A couple of months ago, I went through a relationship transition with someone and we decided to work on a friendship together. Having shared so much, it seemed the right thing to do; why terminate a strong bond, especially if you are able to move on pretty quickly in other factors of the relationship? As time progressed though, it became apparent that much of the interaction was one-sided and looping, causing continual miscommunication, sadness and pain for both parties. As much as I wanted that person to be in my life, ultimately I had to let them go because of the negative impact they were having on my growth.
They did not do something specific, nor malicious. Just the act of them also trying to move on, caused colliding waves of unease, in the same way two stones thrown into a river, will create momentum which inevitably interacts in often chaotic ways, with the ripples from each others wake. At this point you have to make the decision, “How much personal pain am I willing to accept in the near-term, for the hope of a deeper connection in the future.” So I did make a choice and it came from a surprising perspective.
Over the last month or so I’ve progressed a lot further with exploration into my own psyche and started focusing much of my emotional energy outward, to heal and help others, as opposed to old habits of self-destructive behavior, used to drown out all the conversation happening in my heart and head. All the meditation and contemplation has tuned my thought process so finely, that I’m able to quickly recognize a trigger of negativity and swiftly adapt.
This isn’t to say that I recommend steering clear of a path with obstacles. These diversions, once the mind and heart let go of the ego, will always offer opportunities of learning and without trauma of some kind, there is no education or growth.
My new perspective ultimately came down to treating myself with kindness and compassion, first. Why would I not bestow upon my own soul, the same principals I have for others? Some of us find this an interesting conundrum; by using self-focused behaviors, it can negatively impact others yet if you make them the priority, you’re the one getting hurt. Love, kindness, compassion, gratitude, all start from within you and if you’re being overwhelmed with negative emotions, you run the risk of drowning out the source of your gift to others. In the end, the answer of course is that we should all treat ourselves in the most positive way possible because as individuals, we are then complimentary lighthouses to each other, instead of one inevitably being washed ashore, having strayed too close to the rocks below.
This particular post was evolved from not only seeing a random piece of graffiti this morning but also applying three Reiki precepts to myself.
Just for today, do not worry
Just for today, do not anger
Show gratitude to every living thing
Love yourself, because it all starts with you.